NEW MOON in Libra, 6 oct 2021

Imagine two beings that hold a deep, eternal love for one another and only get the chance to see each other once in 30 days. They cross for a night, disappearing from the viewer’s eye in a dance that lightens up the stars. This is how I see every New Moon – a conjunction between two celestial bodies that reunite beyond presence. The sky becomes darkened by the unknown and the gate opens up to see all the ancient constellations. The Yin in the shadow of the Yang, the duality of an invisible whole. 

The zodiac sign of Libra is all about partnerships, balance, the reconciliation of the opposites, love contacts fear and light exists with darkness. [ To make myself clear, a New Moon happens when both the Sun and the Moon meet in the same zodiac sign and in the same degree. ] Therefore this astrological event provides us with the opportunity to understand and deepen the partnerships we have with others. But, let’s not forget that the main relationship that must hold our presence, is the one we have with ourselves. If you can, try to remember the dreams you had (5, 6, 7 october) as they are the gate to your subconscious. 

☾ What needs to heal? 
☉ Who do you have to let go of? 
☽ Are you weighed down with emotional baggage, thoughts, or beliefs that no longer serve you? 

Reconnect to your inner compass and decide what you want to carry and what can be left behind. This is a time of introspection. Look inwards and seek balance. 

Personally, I felt insanely heavy these past few days, as if what I am – cracked, just like an inanimate object. Signs were pouring from everywhere, starting with dreams to synchronistic events outside of me. They all resurfaced fears that I had to work on. And even though it still feels uncomfortable to allow these emotions and thoughts to go through me, I hold a deep gratitude for the lessons they try to teach me.

artwork: Gerhard Richter
place: Tate Modern, London

Autumn Equinox

At the end of September, two major energetical shifts impacted both the sky and us.

Firstly, on the 20th of Sept, we had the Full Moon in Pisces that marked a symbolic re-entry into our subconscious realm. Pisces is a water sign, mutable, ruled by Neptune and the most intuitive and psychic of the 12, focusing on their inner and spiritual journey. Therefore, this Moon speaks to us through the language of dreams. Energy is brought from the subconscious to the conscious. The dreams that appear to us during this period often reference water. [ Before knowing this info I kept wondering – why do I dream so much of water? Well.. I hope you noticed her influence as well.]

Lesson: The mystical event is teaching us all about the power of our intuitive intelligence. Take a moment to sit deeply with your subterranean instincts and take this precious time to honor these hyper intelligent energies that abound within your human body. Consider finding that hidden door from inside of you and reentering it with courage and trust. You may find ‘yourself’ in the depth of the darkness below.

Secondly, on the 22nd of Sept, we welcomed the Autumn Equinox. This is the day that Yin and Yang are truly balanced, giving us an opportunity to reflect on the duality of nature and the cycles of life – death – life. A graceful time to meditate upon these primal states and how, by working with our light and shadow, we could live in a conscious symphony with the rhythm of Nature.

Lesson: Let’s allow ourselves to feel grounded and nourished by the soil, sand, or roots of a tree. Allow our hearts to be lifted by the sweet crisp air as the season changes. Allow our hair to be blown in the wind. Allow the thoughts that no longer serve us to be released as we take in the shift happening all around us.

Let’s be open for a 𝑄𝑈𝐴𝑁𝑇𝑈𝑀 leap in the direction of our Souls. ⁕*٭⃰✽∗*⁕✺

OPENNESS

I am slowly returning to unity and sovereignty, one of the steps being this: an intimate conversation with you. With you all. I wanted and have been called to do this for way too long and taking action seems like the most reasonable step. 

Since the last recorded video (see on my Instagram page), I managed, somehow, to elevate my vibrations, defocusing myself from the negatively charged frequencies. This time I want to share with you the new relationship I formed with “OPENNESS” and maybe, in between my words, you will find your own answers. 

🝮 Openness 🝮 PART Ihttps://www.instagram.com/p/CT7GZowAz-n/

🝮 Openness 🝮 PART IIhttps://www.instagram.com/p/CT7KAKnA3Jt/

I’ll take it from the start. Neuroscience proves that the brain, instead of remembering the ‘negative’ process that led us to a downfall, tends to remember the exact fraction of a second when we made the choice to rise up. It is the moment when one uses the last drop of life left in the abyss and ascends. It isn’t about a new life, but about a new choice where your values shake up, where regrouping and gathering parts of yourself in dealing with extremities feels like a liberating path towards your senses. (If you want to read more about it, research Dr Joe Dispenza)

Everything changes when you start to emit your own frequency rather than absorbing the frequencies around you; when you start imprinting your intent on the Universe rather than receiving an imprint from existence.

I can recollect each mm of that second. A second that could freeze eternity. The “enough” traversed my being like an echo vibrating from my atomic nucleus. And when a second is an eternity, love transcends all the fields of quanta. So I was resurrected, brought back into light, while my emotions moved through me like an ocean current.

But when light is combined with intellect, the Renaissance of the soul begins. And your being opens up.

Opening myself up, which would translate as a “surrendering” and a “letting go” of anything that doesn’t serve the existence anymore, taught me enormously about the importance of the empty space that has to be made inside of us. Once you throw away the unnecessary baggage in the physical world and clean the corridors of the psychical world, you create room for the New. And I am in loooove with all the New that stepped into my fractal Universe. 

What if being open means not being afraid of sharing your intimacy with others?

We humans are so used to the idea of pain, that we genuinely think that ‘pain’ is the only way of being, the only outcome of everything. We create from pain, we tend to think that sharing hurtful events that happened to us connects us with the community, we swim in pain and share it more than we share happy memories or thoughts. Why? Well.. I guess it is easier to be sad than happy. It is a marriage that needs a divorce. As a result, we cut ourselves from ‘openness’ in fear that we’ll feel pain again. But, the reality is: it doesn’t affect you, if you don’t allow the outer events to get through you. How can they touch you when you are transparent? 

Therefore, I believe that ‘OPENNESS’ is your ability to cut the cords of fear and show your true self – your honest opinion, views, past-present-future… Will you lose anything? No. Will you get hurt by something that is outside of you? No, because you don’t allow it. It doesn’t even cross your mind that someone can use it against you. Why? Because of the vibrations that accompany your words when you communicate your thoughts.

What does “OPENNESS” mean to you? 

I appreciate your time, your support and your unconditional love. May you find in between my words and silences the answers that you need.

ONENESS

The last couple of months opened a portal that brought me closer to understanding the functioning of the metaphysical quantum nature of reality. I can finally accept, with an open heart, all of those out of this world callings. How can I let you all know that we are not bodies that possess a soul, but we are souls that consciously decided to have this human experience? We are parts of a higher intelligence, unified in the same energy that makes us one.

I had no idea of how to start this conversation, how to let my voice reach the world. Sharing that I’m going through a deep spiritual awakening made me think that I’ll be bombarded with negatively charged comments. I am not frightened anymore.

There is an astral plane above us all that collects our vibrations. Going beyond it allows us to realise that we are all swimming in this big aquarium of energy. That we are all energy. We have to all gradually take small steps on this way of self discovery and deeply try to allow ourselves spacetime to step fully into all of our emotions, taking them all in (+ and -) and accepting them as ourselves, as a polarity, as our unique experience on this physical three-dimensional plane which turns out to be multi-dimensional. Let’s not forget that we are the reflection of the Universe inside this Universe.

Somehow, I have always known – when looking at the way the trees look at the sky or the way the grass speaks to every touch you give it – that all is One and that this Oneness is always guiding us through it all, just like a compass in the middle of a raging storm. Opening the inner eye and allowing the inner voice to speak through you, awakes one of the most fulfilling human emotions. You stop comparing yourself to someone else’s journey, stop looking for validation in someone else’s words and certainly declare that the only voice that resonates with you is your own truth. And here the inner clarity and wisdom comes to the surface, and gradually starts to decompose the coatings of the ego that made you so heavy. I am gently, but with determination letting go of the weight of what people think and thought, the weight of guilt, the weight of fear, shame, rejection, past attachments. All of that had to be released so I could reconnect to the Now and welcome in the New.

If you allow yourself to live in your truth, become the ‘awareness’ itself, be present in each moment, people of your own frequency will attract you. This quote was written by a beautiful human whose energy feels like my own: “Time is a gift we chose, Earth and nature are unconditional love, all the cosmic laws that allow us to vibrate in this current experience are profoundly beautiful, allowing us to revisit ourselves throughout the infinite multiverse. Hearing each other is a gift, really hearing each other for we are One. One with many Individuations, many compounds, many elements yet part of the same ether, same matter, the same ego. And from this fundamental root animating all things we start to really see life as it is, stripped of misinterpretations. And with this we can actually act, our actions align with our words. Our heart is in coherence with our mind. To feel sheltered and taken care of by a Wisdom that knows all pasts, all futures and all presents and is unconditionally free.”

Therefore, let’s free ourselves from the burden of being someone different. I want to be honest. As I AM in my ART. I want to share deep thoughts and feelings. I want to have a community that genuinely believes in this transfusion of vibrations through the quantum fields. A community that is ready to make a positive impact on the world by slowly taking generous steps towards discovering who they are. Dispersing and unobstructing those knots of trauma they’ve been keeping. Acknowledging the existence of their Higher Selves and opening themselves up to receive that ancestral guidance. I am tired of keeping silent and be a face to page, creating art for the sake of content, I am tired to adjusting to what people want me to be or keep silent out of fear of pushing others away. I am becoming true to myself with every second of this wonderful experience in this human body. And oh…………… I feel so highly blessed to feel the way I do!!!

When I finished writing this my clock said 22:11. Message received.

Unapologetically myself

I’ll admit that when I graduated drama school in 2019, I never thought that I would become a student again. But, the discovery of my inner voices and the technological breakthroughs, facilitated me with the ability to learn, devour, get drunk on knowledge and attend any course that this reality provided. And still provides.

I will turn the arrows towards my own experience and start as banal as this: I have always been passionate about Astrology, Astronomy and Psychology, and I kept seeing them as a tool of tackling the unconscious and discovering the superconscious. My love for the cosmos was there all along, I just somehow managed to tone it down as the social pressure of my surroundings considered it a superficial deviation from reality.

2020 opened the gates towards my understanding of the esoteric. Therefore, 2021 became the year to put it into practice. So I started diving deep into: Psychoanalysis, shadow work, the magic of signs and synchronicities, the power of Mother Earth and spiritual practices (yoga, meditation, ancestral guidance, Higher Self), and last but not least, enrolled to study Astrology at Astrauranias (Levin’s Moscow Academy of Astrology).

Astrology is more than the placement of the stars and planets the second you were born. It is one of the oldest sciences, a map to understanding existence, energy and life. Hundreds of years before the time of Christ, Greek philosophers formulated the theory of Humans in Microcosm: “human beings are a miniature version of the cosmos”. According to this concept, everything in nature has a parallel in human beings, and thus humankind and the Universe are linked together in a system of correlations.

I believe that in order to create a better world, we have to connect to ourselves, go after our passions and try to unravel the secrets of this Universe. After all, we have only one life in this physical appearance.

COLOURED EMOTIONS

“If you do not have a spiritual connection in the physical realm, you have nothing.” And it refers to every interaction our skin or mind has with the outside world.

“COLOURED EMOTIONS” is my scream directed towards the mirror of my being, an energetic wave that breaks the barriers of time-space continuum. This trilogy is an ending and a beginning, whose words and images can be interpreted as you may. 

“Coloured Emotions” is a story about our emotional evolution: getting from a state of dream (Heaven), to a state of reality (Purgatory), and eventually to a state of delusion (Hell). I wanted to show how an emotion, a fear, a thought can evolve and drag you down to the lowest point of your existence. Therefore, be it dream, reality or fantasy; future, present or past; heaven, purgatory or hell, something or someone always follows. Each one of us. We all have to connect to the shadow in order to get to the light.

I have always been fascinated by the idea of parallel realities taking place simultaneously. Therefore, after analyzing my own evolution of feelings, I delimitated the short film into three sequences. Thus, I found that emotions end up rotating in a circle which is part of a spiral – the end is a beginning in continuous ascension.

Coloured Emotions: HEAVEN (part I)

“Heaven” is a dream, where you find yourself in nature, protected, where you can resonate with every cell in your body, where life feels complete because you are the only one who gives it shape. I wanted to play, both visually and auditory, with the idea of being in a mental picture, watching the beauty of the sky, completely connected with your inner yourself; but where, at the same time, you find yourself knowing, deep down, that you ought to run away from something that is hidden somewhere at the bottom of your subconscious.

Coloured Emotions: PURGATORY (part II)

You wake up from ‘the dream’ and find yourself in a “Purgatory” of emotions. You are born alone, you exist alone and you die in your loneliness. Reality becomes a bridge between the unconsciousness and the higher consciousness. A second that belongs to an eternity. Don’t we put a lot of pressure on that ‘second’ that lasts as long as a blink of an eye? Is ‘Purgatory’ a state of being or maybe a feeling of alienation – when you belong to nothing yet everything?

Coloured Emotions: HELL (part III)

And from this philosophical turmoil you get to step into the last stage – “Hell”, where being lost in the darkness, you find the light. You free yourself. However, here lies the twist: stepping into Hell should be a conscious decision, through which your being understands that by reviewing your fears, you make peace with the past and the angst of existing.
As Dante wrote “The path to Paradise begins in Hell” therefore at the end, we start from the beginning.

Time is not linear, yesterday, today and tomorrow, past, present and future are not consecutive. Everything is deeply connected; the future can change the past and it only takes a pair of eyes that consciously decide to stay open inside and out. 

Concept Creator, Director, Editor, Writer, Cinematographer, Actor: Catalina Cazacu
Camera, Cinematographer, Concept Creator (pre-production): Ira Trifanov
In collaboration with SLOW creatives
Music I: Fabrizio Paterlini – “Before the storm”
Music II: Winter Aid – “The wisp sings”; Acid Arab – “Electrique Yarghol” ft Hasan Minawi
Music III: Original mix by Alexandr Novac

Rebirth


I woke up thinking that I don’t want to write anything about the year of 2020, but ended up doing it anyway. Ha. It was confusing but I didn’t hate it. 2020 was the bridge between the old world and the new world; it was the year we learnt that life is ephemeral; it became the time outside the time. From my own perspective, even though I lost, as anyone else, family and friends, I also managed to gain, on a spiritual level enormously and I am sincerely so grateful for the ‘enlightenment’ I was offered, the opportunities and the person I am today. Everything has its right to happen, be it good or bad, and it always has a reason behind it. We just have to peacefully accept it. I recently met a wonderful person that keeps telling me: “It is all a matter of perspective. Look through your soul and you’ll always know the way.” We should all be lucky to be living, breathing, to love, feel, understand everything around us. Because when we want to open our souls towards the abundance of the Universe, we’ll manage to see and mostly feel that magic that surrounds us. I think my 2021 started a month ago, but to whoever feels like it stars tonight, I wish you to stay open towards everything and step without expectations or fear, but with loads of curiosity. Like a child that sees the night sky for the first time. Live now and today, every single day!

Social traps

Is it just me or do you also feel very intense at the moment?

I used to be so invested in my social media profiles, but recently, picking up my phone, scrolling, communicating through a virtual realm seems somehow.. pointless. I have always been ‘me’ here, in every sense of the word, but these past few months it seems like being within myself is much more fulfilling.

Looking back at all of the tiny virtual steps I took makes me proud of myself for being able to stay on top of all the trends and poisonous ‘fashions’ that happened over time. At 14 I started with a tumblr blog. You could express your inner world through someone’s pictures, movie quotes, connect with people overseas. At 16 I started doing cover songs, then at 19 – video blogging and online Q&As which gifted me with my own online community. Eventually, all of that escalated into short creative films and me taking over the world of photography.

Nonetheless, somehow, I was very lucky not to fall into social traps of posting for the sake of posting and creating something specific just because everyone else was doing the same. In this current age it seems like everyone is copying each other. And I’m not suggesting that this is.. immoral. We cannot have art without copying what people did before us. That is how we learn and implement the knowledge into our daily life. You pass it though your own prism and it comes out with parts of your soul. Rembrandt copied Caravaggio’s technique, Rousseau inspired Picasso, Dostoevsky influenced Murakami, etc. Yet now, it seems and feels as if most of the things on social media are just a copy of another copy. Therefore.. Why do people put themselves in those unnatural positions of being like someone else, when they have such a unique world inside of them? Why not bring your own version of yourself, instead of being like her or him or them? I was always truthful to my world and I hope people will wake up one day and do the same. Most of the content posted here or anywhere else is just poisoning our subconscious so much. I just wish we all aim to bringing some life into this virtual realm, pieces of ourselves and discover that we are enough.

https://www.instagram.com/cazacucatalina/

My London.

I decided to move to London when I was 8. Of course I wasn’t allowed so I waited for 11 years to fly to the land that captured my soul. Excluding those 11 years of international long distance relationship, we had to go through another 2 years of local long distance relationship with occasional visits. Every walk counted, every person, every morning breeze that kissed the leaves, every bench next to the river Thames, every bridge and every corner of the street. It made me feel complete. The 3rd year was the most difficult. I genuinely hate the saying “love lasts 3 years”. Well.. On the 3rd year of our reciprocal, non-committal relationship, we got tired of each other. My beautiful city had nothing to offer me and I wasn’t trying my best to make it work. I remember that being the year I stumbled upon this quote, written on a statue in Gough Square: “When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.” My self defence mechanism reacted straight away, convincing me ardently that it is not I – the one in the wrong. ‘London and I are just two separate entities that are not suited for each other.’ Two years of ins and outs and by the end of my 5th year I wanted to leave. It felt like this place that made me fall in love with it 16 years ago – evaporated and the kind air that used to dance with me – vanished into a mist of its own. I felt lonely. The world fell silent and I understood that maybe, I am a little tired of life after all. The magic of existence consists in its simple nuance of ephemerality.  Shattered in pieces, you always go back to places that felt like home. I stayed. Even though, small parentheses, on the summer of our 5th year, going into the 6th, I met St. Petersburg, but that is a different story. I came back home to my London. As the days passed by, the visible cracks of my still breathing vase were slowly filled with gold. Everything broken has its own, iridescent beauty. Every day I kept learning to love those golden cracks and with them, I rediscovered how much love I have for London. No one took it away from me, I just decided to be blind in the face of something real that pushed me towards my dreams and the cosmic being that I am.