Blog

COLOURED EMOTIONS

“If you do not have a spiritual connection in the physical realm, you have nothing.” And it refers to every interaction our skin or mind has with the outside world.

“COLOURED EMOTIONS” is my scream directed towards the mirror of my being, an energetic wave that breaks the barriers of time-space continuum. This trilogy is an ending and a beginning, whose words and images can be interpreted as you may. 

“Coloured Emotions” is a story about our emotional evolution: getting from a state of dream (Heaven), to a state of reality (Purgatory), and eventually to a state of delusion (Hell). I wanted to show how an emotion, a fear, a thought can evolve and drag you down to the lowest point of your existence. Therefore, be it dream, reality or fantasy; future, present or past; heaven, purgatory or hell, something or someone always follows. Each one of us. We all have to connect to the shadow in order to get to the light.

I have always been fascinated by the idea of parallel realities taking place simultaneously. Therefore, after analyzing my own evolution of feelings, I delimitated the short film into three sequences. Thus, I found that emotions end up rotating in a circle which is part of a spiral – the end is a beginning in continuous ascension.

Coloured Emotions: HEAVEN (part I)

“Heaven” is a dream, where you find yourself in nature, protected, where you can resonate with every cell in your body, where life feels complete because you are the only one who gives it shape. I wanted to play, both visually and auditory, with the idea of being in a mental picture, watching the beauty of the sky, completely connected with your inner yourself; but where, at the same time, you find yourself knowing, deep down, that you ought to run away from something that is hidden somewhere at the bottom of your subconscious.

Coloured Emotions: PURGATORY (part II)

You wake up from ‘the dream’ and find yourself in a “Purgatory” of emotions. You are born alone, you exist alone and you die in your loneliness. Reality becomes a bridge between the unconsciousness and the higher consciousness. A second that belongs to an eternity. Don’t we put a lot of pressure on that ‘second’ that lasts as long as a blink of an eye? Is ‘Purgatory’ a state of being or maybe a feeling of alienation – when you belong to nothing yet everything?

Coloured Emotions: HELL (part III)

And from this philosophical turmoil you get to step into the last stage – “Hell”, where being lost in the darkness, you find the light. You free yourself. However, here lies the twist: stepping into Hell should be a conscious decision, through which your being understands that by reviewing your fears, you make peace with the past and the angst of existing.
As Dante wrote “The path to Paradise begins in Hell” therefore at the end, we start from the beginning.

Time is not linear, yesterday, today and tomorrow, past, present and future are not consecutive. Everything is deeply connected; the future can change the past and it only takes a pair of eyes that consciously decide to stay open inside and out. 

Concept Creator, Director, Editor, Writer, Cinematographer, Actor: Catalina Cazacu
Camera, Cinematographer, Concept Creator (pre-production): Ira Trifanov
In collaboration with SLOW creatives
Music I: Fabrizio Paterlini – “Before the storm”
Music II: Winter Aid – “The wisp sings”; Acid Arab – “Electrique Yarghol” ft Hasan Minawi
Music III: Original mix by Alexandr Novac

Rebirth


I woke up thinking that I don’t want to write anything about the year of 2020, but ended up doing it anyway. Ha. It was confusing but I didn’t hate it. 2020 was the bridge between the old world and the new world; it was the year we learnt that life is ephemeral; it became the time outside the time. From my own perspective, even though I lost, as anyone else, family and friends, I also managed to gain, on a spiritual level enormously and I am sincerely so grateful for the ‘enlightenment’ I was offered, the opportunities and the person I am today. Everything has its right to happen, be it good or bad, and it always has a reason behind it. We just have to peacefully accept it. I recently met a wonderful person that keeps telling me: “It is all a matter of perspective. Look through your soul and you’ll always know the way.” We should all be lucky to be living, breathing, to love, feel, understand everything around us. Because when we want to open our souls towards the abundance of the Universe, we’ll manage to see and mostly feel that magic that surrounds us. I think my 2021 started a month ago, but to whoever feels like it stars tonight, I wish you to stay open towards everything and step without expectations or fear, but with loads of curiosity. Like a child that sees the night sky for the first time. Live now and today, every single day!

Social traps

Is it just me or do you also feel very intense at the moment?

I used to be so invested in my social media profiles, but recently, picking up my phone, scrolling, communicating through a virtual realm seems somehow.. pointless. I have always been ‘me’ here, in every sense of the word, but these past few months it seems like being within myself is much more fulfilling.

Looking back at all of the tiny virtual steps I took makes me proud of myself for being able to stay on top of all the trends and poisonous ‘fashions’ that happened over time. At 14 I started with a tumblr blog. You could express your inner world through someone’s pictures, movie quotes, connect with people overseas. At 16 I started doing cover songs, then at 19 – video blogging and online Q&As which gifted me with my own online community. Eventually, all of that escalated into short creative films and me taking over the world of photography.

Nonetheless, somehow, I was very lucky not to fall into social traps of posting for the sake of posting and creating something specific just because everyone else was doing the same. In this current age it seems like everyone is copying each other. And I’m not suggesting that this is.. immoral. We cannot have art without copying what people did before us. That is how we learn and implement the knowledge into our daily life. You pass it though your own prism and it comes out with parts of your soul. Rembrandt copied Caravaggio’s technique, Rousseau inspired Picasso, Dostoevsky influenced Murakami, etc. Yet now, it seems and feels as if most of the things on social media are just a copy of another copy. Therefore.. Why do people put themselves in those unnatural positions of being like someone else, when they have such a unique world inside of them? Why not bring your own version of yourself, instead of being like her or him or them? I was always truthful to my world and I hope people will wake up one day and do the same. Most of the content posted here or anywhere else is just poisoning our subconscious so much. I just wish we all aim to bringing some life into this virtual realm, pieces of ourselves and discover that we are enough.

https://www.instagram.com/cazacucatalina/

My London.

I decided to move to London when I was 8. Of course I wasn’t allowed so I waited for 11 years to fly to the land that captured my soul. Excluding those 11 years of international long distance relationship, we had to go through another 2 years of local long distance relationship with occasional visits. Every walk counted, every person, every morning breeze that kissed the leaves, every bench next to the river Thames, every bridge and every corner of the street. It made me feel complete. The 3rd year was the most difficult. I genuinely hate the saying “love lasts 3 years”. Well.. On the 3rd year of our reciprocal, non-committal relationship, we got tired of each other. My beautiful city had nothing to offer me and I wasn’t trying my best to make it work. I remember that being the year I stumbled upon this quote, written on a statue in Gough Square: “When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.” My self defence mechanism reacted straight away, convincing me ardently that it is not I – the one in the wrong. ‘London and I are just two separate entities that are not suited for each other.’ Two years of ins and outs and by the end of my 5th year I wanted to leave. It felt like this place that made me fall in love with it 16 years ago – evaporated and the kind air that used to dance with me – vanished into a mist of its own. I felt lonely. The world fell silent and I understood that maybe, I am a little tired of life after all. The magic of existence consists in its simple nuance of ephemerality.  Shattered in pieces, you always go back to places that felt like home. I stayed. Even though, small parentheses, on the summer of our 5th year, going into the 6th, I met St. Petersburg, but that is a different story. I came back home to my London. As the days passed by, the visible cracks of my still breathing vase were slowly filled with gold. Everything broken has its own, iridescent beauty. Every day I kept learning to love those golden cracks and with them, I rediscovered how much love I have for London. No one took it away from me, I just decided to be blind in the face of something real that pushed me towards my dreams and the cosmic being that I am.

a Girl Called

A short film directed by the wonderful Emily Lucienne back in 2016, now part of the Herne Hill Free Film Festival , and featuring Fab Piolini-castle and myself.

“This short film is based on a real encounter with a teenage girl in South London. Her pimp was using Tinder to get her clients. In 2016, when this film was made, Tinder was available for anyone over the age of 13. It has since been banned to those under 18 but other similar apps have popped up.”

Touching the fields

It turns out the whole sky is a wall.
It turns out we all drink from history’s footprints.
One day the stones seemed to open like flowers and I walked over the orphaned ground.
The stars were covered with sand.
The sandstorm had almost covered the bodies.
Today, each memory is a cemetery that must be tended.
The trees no longer mention anything about the wind.
It turns out I tried to bury myself.
It turns out I tried to bury myself alive in the chamber of someone else’s heart…
Now, the sea inside of me – so blue
Waves vibrating underneath the skin
Touching the fields and
Mountains of my soul
With gentle touches
Creating beyond my perception
Clouds
Expanding
Contracting
Breathing
Inside and outside my heart
I hear waves, my own world,
Warm, serene,
And love,
Love above being
Stars inside of me
And they are all at home.

DASHA | Killing Eve S3

Meet DASHA and don’t try to mess with her! 

I can finally let it all out and scream about it. It makes me so very proud and excited to be a small part of this incredible production!!! I cannot thank enough all the people that became an important element of this beautiful journey into an exquisite unknown.

It is said that you have to throw your dreams into space like a kite, because you never know what they will bring you back. This is my first professional job after graduating last year from the BA Acting International course at East 15 Acting School. To be frank, it has been a long long journey (and it is more to come), but, no matter how individualistic it may sound, I genuinely want to thank myself, for not giving up, still swimming/ moving/ flying forward and wanting to inspire. 

With this astounding experience, I also met and worked alongside wonderful people that motivated every cell inside of me. They made me feel like I am part of the family and that this (the set/ the Universe they created/ the work/ the ambiance/ the passion for this job/ the pleasure while doing the thing you love the most) is where I belong. I don’t even know why, but I think what excited and terrified me the most was meeting the director, Terry McDonough. I was overthinking, as usual. Eventually, he met me with a big smile, an incredible energy and truly inspired me. Terry, if you ever stumble upon this, even though it sounds weird, know that I still have the flower (from the scene) that you gave me and that your last words are still stuck with me. Haha. 

And lastly, if you don’t know what to do with your post-breakup broken heart, my advise: just give it to the character. 😉  #dontmesswithdasha

Home

This video is plucked right from the bottom of my soul. Maybe it will bring a spark of hope into your hearts as well.

This is a story of returning home. Home to ourselves.

35mm

There is something utterly beautiful when taking a photograph with a film camera. You catch yourself counting each detail, adjusting the lens, the light, you ask people to stay still or you take the picture as fast as possible as you know that all you have is one little chance. One chance to capture the roughness, sensibility, the chaos of a moment. You freeze ‘a past’ that becomes rich and full in ‘a future’.  

Somehow I realised that you have to feel what you’re looking at, because if you don’t, you’re never going to get others to touch that frozen reality with their perceptions. You let them participate in another moment’s mortality, vulnerability, mutability. Precisely by slicing out that second and freezing it, so it could melt again through their subconscious. 

These are some of the photographs I took with Canon EOS 300v. Some of them I love, with the others I feel like I could’ve done better, i’ve also failed royaly with my first film roll, but it’s a good beginning.